There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
