sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
