ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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