somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
