Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
