census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
