is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
