its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize