You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
