What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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