im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
