Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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