All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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