I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize