1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
