I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
