Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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