is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
