I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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