Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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