I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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