i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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