her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
