in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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