I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
