I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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