So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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