You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
