yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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