I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
