in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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