I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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