I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
