he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
