That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
