How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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