I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
