she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
