I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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