woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
