If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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