I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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