3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
