can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
