My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
