Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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