your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize