I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk is not a location!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
