did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
