They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
