If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
