Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize