HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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