return my video game
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's never too late to be topless.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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