Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
