i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
