I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
