Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
