Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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