Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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