dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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