dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
