Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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