Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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