my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
