watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
