I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
