Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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