yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
