I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
