In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
