Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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